Playgirl's Mechanical World (playgirl) wrote,
Playgirl's Mechanical World

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No, I Haven't Gone Crazy!

For as long as I can remember, cremation had always been my personal choice for disposal of my body.

About a year ago, I changed my mind.

I'm pretty sure that when you finish reading this, your eyes will be rolling all over the place thinking I'm some kind of wierdo. But it's okay with me and I'll understand.

I went to my lawyer and had my Will drawn up. I raised my right hand and swore I was of sound mind, and then signed it before 2 witnesses. I paid $145.00 for it. I also paid $50.00 for a Living Will. What is the definition of a Living Will? This: A written request that life not be prolonged by artificial means when death becomes inevitable.

I have also taken care of my own funeral arrangements. I paid $1800.00 at a small and very humble funeral home. I have already chosen my coffin. It is a light pearly blue coffin and the inside is of some white satiny, shiny material.

Although mine is of very inferior quality and will most likely collapse from the first rain in this desert country, it does looks a little like this coffin.

The coffin that came with the package was an ugly old thing make of pine and wasn’t even painted. The reason I paid a little bit more was because I chose the second to the last of the cheapest they had. I don’t want anything fancy at all. The ugly pine box would of been fine for my simple needs, but I knew that if I'd of chosen that one, people would of gossiped.

The package that I paid for includes a spray of (my favorite flowers) a dozen red roses and baby's breath which will be draped over my coffin. Thee will be a book where visitors can sign their name and little religious cards, and a deacon who will recite the rosary in the funeral home. I didn’t want any police on motorcycles to direct my visitors to the church and then to Fort Bliss Cemetery. It would have been much more money for me to have spent. Those who will go to my ceremony can drive themselves there. They aren’t stupid as I am (going to wrong rosary twice in my lifetime).

I declined in having a little write up, along with my picture, in the newspaper. It’s obscene how much that would of cost! Word of mouth by friends will fill up the room, (for FREE) I’m sure!

I want to wear my favorite color, red. I have a red candy apple blouse that I love, black STRETCH jeans, (I hate confinement) brand new white underwear and pink socks. I want my finger and toe nails with red nail polish and the only makeup I’ll want is a little dark green eye shadow on my eyelids and my favorite perfume, White Shoulders, dabbed behind my ears. I want the little pillow that will hold my head, placed in a certain way where my head won’t droop and make me look like I have a double chin! I want two of my fingers crossed for luck, in hopes I make it to the pearly gates and not to that other place.

If I die before my Grandpa, he is to live in my home until he dies.

All of my pets will be euthanized by my Vet.

I have chosen a little church, located on an impoverished side of this city for the funeral. The priest will charge $50.00 for the religious ceremony he will give. With inflation skyrocketing the way it has been doing, maybe he'll charge more when the time comes.

Thank goodness I won’t have to pay a dime for the hole I will be placed in or the headstone. This is just one of the perks of having been in the U.S. Army. I wish I could be around to hear Taps being played for me, but of course, that won’t be possible, and maybe it's a good thing because every time I hear Taps, I start crying like a baby!

NO, I AM NOT PLANNING ON DYING ANYTIME SOON. I feel much better now, knowing that I myself have made all the arrangements for my very own funeral.

I realize that some of my Livejournal friends will think that Playgirl has finally lost it. Please let me reassure you that all of my faculties are intact. I'm just a person who always plans ahead.

This is no joke. I am dead serious about this.

"A man should not leave this earth with unfinished business. He should live each day as if it was a pre-flight check. He should ask each morning, am I prepared to lift-off?"
Diane Frolov

"I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means."
Oscar Wilde


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