Playgirl's Mechanical World (playgirl) wrote,
Playgirl's Mechanical World


I want to thank you all who were so sweet in expressing your prayers and well wishes. You will never fully comprehend how you helped me and touched my heart. It feels strange, to care for you all as I do, knowing that our only means of communication has been through our Live Journals. It is strange how we, as LJ Friends, sometimes feel and know more about each other than even those who surround us throughout our daily lives. Here in our live journals we express our true feelings, which we most often keep secret to friends and family. You all mean the world to me and my every hope is that you are safe and happy.

For a month and days, I have gone through some very complex times. I watched my mother go through things I hope and pray will someday be wiped off my memory. I've gone through sleepless nights of fear and through excruciating mental pain. There was a time when it appeared as if she might make it. Suddenly, everything went down hill. I believe the most painful days were towards the end, where my mother's beautiful peaches and cream complexion turned into a deathly ungodly color. My mother didn't go fast, she lingered and suffered, as no human being should. I only hope that the Lord will take into consideration the agonizing suffering she went through. I've lost my mother who was my best friend. I, as well and my 4 brothers and dad are still in shock and in great pain. It still hasn't fully sunk in my mind that she is dead. She died yesterday, January 30, 2005 at 3:36 am.

The rosary, mass and burial will be on the same day, Friday. She will wear a beautiful light pink lace dress and pearls. Shoes are not permitted so I will have her wear a pair of my socks.

I'm going through a lot of guilt feelings right now because I should have called her more often. I bought my mother her favorite flowers, white roses. It breaks my heart that I didn't buy them for her when she was alive. I bought them for her and she will never see the beauty in them because she is dead.

For those of you who still have your mother, please don't take her for granted. Buy her the flowers NOW and find the time to call her everyday and let her know that you love her.

I will not go into how and why she died, it is unimportant at this point. The only reality for me is that she is dead.

I am so grateful and thankful to all of you, my LJ friends! Thank you!
Tags: dead, death, mom
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