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Women and Public Restrooms

Someone sent the following to my email. Read it and see why I still can't stop laughing!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because you never laid down toilet paper -not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, “You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! And then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find...
Comfortable ...
Always Lifts You Up...
Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share with anyone who needs a good laugh!



( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 7th, 2012 10:50 pm (UTC)
I see you're still here. That's good. The only other person left on Livejournal who had dealings with me had personal issues that required cutting me out of her life. Nothing personal there, mind. I just knew the wrong people.

Here. Have a cigar.

EDIT: You're a political junkie now. Wanna watch the first debate?

Edited at 2012-09-08 01:50 am (UTC)
Sep. 8th, 2012 09:18 pm (UTC)
Had a long reply for you, but LJ ate it! *@#$#@!

Let me see if I remember what I wrote!
Sep. 9th, 2012 04:28 am (UTC)
According to my calculations, there must be at least 500 who have deleted me from their FList. A handful hurt my feelings terribly; as for the rest, I could have cared less since they were neither here nor there for me.

I had never heard that song before, but I must say that I totally loved it!

Looks like I'm slowly becoming, what you call, a political junkie - AGAIN. Problem is that I'm still as ignorant as I was back in 2008.
Sep. 9th, 2012 03:18 pm (UTC)
Have a Cigar is off of Pink Floyd's album Wish You Were Here. I can safely say that if you've got the money, it's worth a purchase. I'd check the used record stores, if there are any around, because I wound up spending nearly $20 on it new.
Sep. 7th, 2012 10:58 pm (UTC)

here is one for you sunshine ;)

and you think you have problems =)
signed Mr. potato head ;o)wink
Sep. 8th, 2012 06:10 pm (UTC)
You guys, including Mr. Potato Head are so darn lucky!! heh heh
Sep. 8th, 2012 09:12 pm (UTC)
Sep. 8th, 2012 09:11 pm (UTC)
Sep. 8th, 2012 10:46 am (UTC)
Good story! I have a friend I would like to send this to. I will also post it in my LJ if you do not mind! Thank you for the laugh!

For you . . .

Edited at 2012-09-08 10:50 am (UTC)
Sep. 8th, 2012 06:07 pm (UTC)
Yes, please share it! We all need as many chuckles as possible in this screwed up world!

I love it! I won't have to buy any TP for the remainder of this year, which will save me oodles of $$$ :o)
Sep. 8th, 2012 06:25 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you laughed!
Sep. 8th, 2012 09:00 pm (UTC)
If this sort of thing happens often enough that all women can relate to this story, why, then, don't they carry, in those copious purses, a supply of material to prevent this sort of thing?
Oct. 5th, 2012 12:29 am (UTC)
I promise that one of these days I'm going to take everything out of my purse and take a picture to post. It's the only way you'll understand why those supplies you speak of can't possibly fit in the purse! haaaa
Oct. 5th, 2012 02:52 pm (UTC)
Aah women.
Vive la différence!
Sep. 8th, 2012 09:14 pm (UTC)
Been there. Haven't we all? Men have no clue...

Oct. 5th, 2012 12:22 am (UTC)
The ladies in the public bathrooms can't understand why I burst out in laughter when I'm in one of the stalls doing the so-called *stance*.

I'll be posting more chuckles I've received by email. We need more laughs and hugs!!

Sep. 11th, 2012 05:33 am (UTC)
Back on LJ
I always enjoy reading your posting. Your friend Jerry G.
Oct. 5th, 2012 12:24 am (UTC)
Re: Back on LJ
Glad to hear that Jerry!
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

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