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No choice but to make this ugly post

A Collection of Memories - Poems and Quotes

Sometimes ignorance IS bliss, 'cuz I'll be dog gone if the truth dribbled out. I have lost count of the times in my life when I've been called ever every ugly name in the book, but they’ve come, and continue to come from people who have been neither here nor there to me. Never have I lost any sleep because of it, but this time it's different.

Had I not deleted two people in particular, I would have continued fooling myself that they at least had a few nice feelings for me; the type of feelings human-beings have for other human-beings. Boy was I wrong.

I cannot lie. Their piercingly cruel, and sneering slurs dug deeply, because I've always held the utmost respect for both of them. I’m stunned and filled with sorrow, since both are extremely intelligent and educated people. I suppose I could have a great big tantrum right here and now, but I won't. I'll leave my outbursts, tantrums, and flying little birdies for the town hall meetings, and the GOP, or for those times I experience road rage when I get behind the wheel of my car!

They sure did accomplished what they set out to do, and that is to plant a seed of doubt my mind for humanity. These two people are good friends with each other, and now I seriously wonder how many times my posts caused them to make cruel jokes about me. What makes it all the more tragic is the fact that they are both HISPANICS, just like me.

I must add a few rebuttals in my defense to a couple of comments they expressed in their LJ’s:

1. When my LJ friends oppose my views on any given topic, they know that they have every right to, since my journals are, and will always be a freedom of speech and expression place. When someone here calls me a bitch or what-not, it doesn't daunt me at all. This is a place for all of us to vent our frustrations. Now! It's DIFFERENT in my REAL life. There have been a couple of guys who have made the grave mistake of showing me serious disrespect. These guys instantly found themselves with black and blue balls, along with their dick. Just because I’m littler than they were, they never realized just how well the U.S. Army trains their boys and girls when it comes to settling scores, or self-defense. Besides, having grown up as the runt among 4 boys in the family, (for the sake of survival), I soon learned how to defend myself. :o)

2. When I had close to 600 pals on my FList, only about 5 or 6 were girls, not because I wanted ONLY boys (Lord knows how I tried to get females on my list), but because the girls who I'd add to my FList, would soon see the link to my Playgirl cam site, and demand I delete them immediately, and I quickly did without saying a word, that is until one of them left a LONG and NASTY comment in my journal. (I'll soon share the exact just so you can see how nasty she was with me.) Needless to say, she immediately stopped posting in her own journal. I do have an Achilles heel, and she made the big mistake of poking it. The ones who accepted me were open-minded girls who had confidence in themselves, and their beauty. I ONLY deleted two of them, because they rarely left comments in my journal.

As you can see, one of them told me to get over myself. HAH! He shouldn’t have said that, because I always tend to do just the opposite of what I'm told.

As for that guy I mentioned yesterday; the one who very recently passed the bar exam, and who is now an attorney; he contacted me yesterday to tell me he’s joining the U.S. Army next week. I MUST stop him from doing such a foolish thing! Although, he’d go in as an officer, unlike me who joined as a private, Afghanistan is no place to be, even for an officer!!

Back to the two who hurt me feelings. Here are the upsetting comments they left in their journals. I don’t believe they’ll mind, since it’s obvious they wanted me to read them. The reason I’m posting them here is because I’d like for you to answer a question for me. Am I wrong in now thinking that they disliked me, and was the butt of their jokes from the very beginning?

Here is the post each one made:

Commenter 1: It may seem silly, nay, ridiculous, to be annoyed by being de-friended by someone on LJ. Normally I think the same however, when said friend claims she is de-friending people for not paying her enough attention but still manages to keep most of the males on her f-list including the misogynistic assholes who have treated her with monumental disrespect, I can't help but be insulted and pissed off. So sorry I didn't interrupt your sausage fest/whiner bukkake sessions often enough with my respectful and friendly though admittedly rare comments enough for your tastes. I just have this mystifying distaste for assholes who treat a woman with disdain and disrespect and I tend to avoid places where they congregate.

I wish you joy of your new, improved, testosterony f-list.

Commenter 2: Please remind me

Please kick my ass if I friend a complete flake ever again.

Not naming names because I am not about anyone harassing this person.

All I'll do is leave a quote from his/her last post.

"I want you to know that you’ve contributed an awful lot to my life in terms of knowledge and wisdom. "

Please don't credit me for your nuttiness.

Whatever. get over yourself.


Join The NRA
"The Right Of The People To Keep and
Bear Arms, Shall Not Be infringed."!


( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 9th, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC)

Some people... They just love drama.
Oct. 9th, 2009 08:35 pm (UTC)
I don't believe they do. It's just that they obviously had those negative feeling about me from the very beginning of our cyberspace friendship.
Oct. 9th, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC)
Sounds like you made the right choice.
Oct. 9th, 2009 10:20 pm (UTC)
It sure looks like it.
Oct. 9th, 2009 08:38 pm (UTC)
"So sorry I didn't interrupt your sausage fest/whiner bukkake sessions often enough with my respectful and friendly though admittedly rare comments enough for your tastes. I just have this mystifying distaste for assholes who treat a woman with disdain and disrespect and I tend to avoid places where they congregate. "

Ummm, this comment makes him exactly what he is bitching about. It makes no sense, he must be a liberal democrat (just kidding ;) ).

Seriously though, there are a lot of people like this guy in the world unfortunately, and it is best to purge yourself of someone who cannot accept you for you. As for your friends list being all guys, well most of mine are women, women just seem to understand my sense of humor I guess, and guys see me as a threat for some weird reason (prolly because I am 6'4, 210 pounds of mean and carry a gun).

And I did not know you were Latina, you just went higher on my hot chick list lol! Ya know I have never gone to your cam site, I do not understand why anyone would have a problem with it, it is a business and makes money for you, no different than what anyone else does. never really had a desire to go to your site either, I guess because I know the difference between fantasy and reality, and on LJ I get small glimpses of who you really are, and to me, that is more important than the way someone looks (I have no idea what you even look like and I am cool with that).

You are a good person, I read about what you did for Grandpa, helping ex convicts out to get them back on their feet, taking in stray animals, etc. I may not agree with your political views (ie Obama supporter), but I do respect and like you as a person. And if someone is hung up on some small aspect of your life they disagree with, then they are not worth knowing because it just means they are judgmental bastards who can't see past their own nose.
Oct. 9th, 2009 11:05 pm (UTC)
Actually, the one who made that comment was a girl. The second one came from a guy.

She’s actually a very beautiful woman, and the only reason I deleted her was, because as she stated, she rarely commented in my journal. I do find it surprising that she would find guys disrespectful with me distasteful, yet, she writes this, So sorry I didn't interrupt your sausage fest/whiner bukkake sessions, and this, wish you joy of your new, improved, testosterony f-list. when testosterones had nothing to do with anything.

As for the 2nd one, he honest to God surprised, not to mention hurting my feelings in a most painful way by calling me a “complete flake,” and “nuttiness,” I never for the world imagined he thought of me in that way. The only reason I deleted him was, because he had referenced that he felt the same way as a prior comment from another LJ friend, who said he was now into Facebook, and would probably stay there, so, I deleted them both, since I made it clear that I wanted pals who not only enjoyed Facebook, but also Livejournal. It’s amazing, but when I deleted him, as God is my witness, I actually cried, because it felt as though I had just severed one of my arms, but when I read what he had written in his journal about me, that quickly changed. Needless to say, I don’t like him at all anymore, and I grateful that all this came out, before I’d make an even bigger fool, and share with him things about my life nobody knows. This is how much I like and trusted the guy. Can you imagine the nasty laughter it would have caused him and his friend (1st commenter) had I done this. I tell you, someone up there does love me, because He somehow brought it to my attention how he and she really felt about me. Never again will I trust anyone (except my pets and Grandpa). How strange, the ex-convict that I invited to live in the back apartment is more REAL, and compassionate than this highly educated man. I am so angry right now, but I’ll do what I’ve always done when I’ve found myself in great pain; I’ll give myself 3 days to wallow in it, then I’ll forget about it.

Back to the fun stuff! So, I’ve gone up higher on your hot chick list ‘cuz I’m a Latina? This is great, because now I can flirt outrageously with yet another HOT babe! Heh heh

Oct. 9th, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC)
Strong women (I am one myself) are frequently called bitches. Either to their faces or behind their backs. It's the price we pay for not being weak -- and though it can hurt, it's worth the price.

Women are often their own worst enemies, by the way. I wish I could tell you how many times Marilyn mistressmarilyn has been treated hatefully just because she's an attractive and confident woman! (You so should friend her, by the way. I think you two would really like one another...)

I know it's silly to get hurt by being unfriended here at LiveJournal -- but it does hurt. I've had it happen on my birthday in the past (great timing), and it always amazes me. I can't really see too many good reasons to unfriend, but that's probably just me...

Friendly debate is healthy. This country is so divided on issues that I find it disturbing. We need to listen to each other and try to respect one other's views. But that doesn't seem to be happening -- and it worries me a lot. We were divided back in the 50's, 60's and 70's, too -- on some serious issues! But we didn't seem as divided then as we are now...

I enjoy listening to what you have to say -- and I enjoy how passionate you are. I might not always agree with you, but that really doesn't matter, does it? I guess I'm trying to say that I'm GLAD we're friends here!

We have the choice to get unpleasant people OUT of our lives. You made a good choice. Don't let these people hurt you any more than they already have.

And I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way!

Oct. 9th, 2009 11:42 pm (UTC)
whispering ...
I honestly believe we women are the strongest of the species. I’m whispering in your ear because the majority of those on my FList are male! :o)

I’ve been called a bitch so many times, that when someone calls me something nice, I instinctively think they’re talking about someone else! Remember that childhood saying we use to chant: Stick and stone may break my bones, but words can never hurt me? How untrue these words are in reality, because sometimes words are said that actually cause wounds that never heal, unlike bodily wounds eventually heal.

We all hurt when someone deletes us from their FList, especially those we’ve taking a liking to, but I believe I’ve become immune since I’ve lost count of the many who have deleted me since I started journaling here. I believe it’s close to 1,000!! Seriously! The only times I’ve deleted is when I find those on my list never comment. I’ve NEVER deleted anyone for having different views from mine. After all, we all have a mind of our own. How boring life would be if we all felt about things in the exact same way.

The division of this country worries me, also, because this obvious division will eventually cause the downfall of our beloved country. Some famous person from the past, said something to this effect, but I can’t recall exactly who said it right now.

I’ll be adding mistressmarilyn to my FList on both my journals. If she’s as open-minded and wonderful as you, perhaps she’ll accept me!

Hugs and more hugs!
Re: whispering ... - tigron_x - Oct. 12th, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 9th, 2009 10:46 pm (UTC)
Wow... what caused this?

Oct. 9th, 2009 11:43 pm (UTC)
isn't it...
I don't know Tig, but it's sad, isn't it?!
Re: isn't it... - tigron_x - Oct. 10th, 2009 03:34 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 10th, 2009 02:51 am (UTC)
I welcome anyone who call me a bitch. I was taught at a young age that a bitch is BABE IN TOTAL CONTROL of HERSELF... Bring it on!!
Oct. 16th, 2009 02:54 am (UTC)

The guy called me a "complete FLAKE". I had heard the word before, and somehow knew it wasn't a very nice word for a person, especially a guy, to describe a girl. Sweety Pie, I looked up the word. How I wish I hadn't.

From one B-I-T-C-H to another - HUGS!!!
Oct. 10th, 2009 02:59 am (UTC)
I never understand some of the venom in replies that pops up on your LJ from some people,to me you've always been a sweet person who thinks with your heart but you don't let them push you around.
Some fear an independent and strong woman, it's what i like about you.
Stay true to yourself!
Oct. 16th, 2009 02:40 am (UTC)
I've never taken to heart what a few of the others have expressed, because I've felt they were only letting out their frustrations about how quickly our world is changing for the worse. I've always understood their anger, and frustration, because I've felt the same.

It's different with THESE two, because the things they expressed towards me, were written with the kind of malice that cause wounds.
Oct. 10th, 2009 04:55 am (UTC)
*Checks profile to see if he's been deleted yet*
Oct. 16th, 2009 02:26 am (UTC)
Trust me, he has. :o)
Oct. 10th, 2009 06:54 am (UTC)
Why do you care what they posted? Honestly, when you --

-- um, when you defriend somebody, the general idea is that you're no longer interested in --

-- in reading...

...what was I talking about?
Oct. 16th, 2009 02:23 am (UTC)
tails behind them...
You reminded me of one of my most favorite childhood rhymes:

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them,
Leave them alone, and they'll come home
Wagging their tails behind them

Sweet Pie, you have seriously made me l-a-u-g-h! I needed it!
Oct. 10th, 2009 01:15 pm (UTC)

aw, man, great wake up for a day of OT.
Oct. 16th, 2009 02:25 am (UTC)
I suppose. :o)
Oct. 11th, 2009 01:09 am (UTC)
I was going to write to you privately, but there is nothing to hide. So here it goes:
Quite frankly I think this is a terrible "poor little me" post. Savannah, just because people grow apart or disagree about something, doesn't mean that it has to be dragged out longer than it has to, no matter who started it.
I will say it again, but in a different manner. "IF you can get over your own current booboo long enough and reread Maries' post, she did express some negative feeling for being dropped. That would mean that she had some sort of "human feelings” or else it wouldn't have been important enough to post about and I think Don feels the same.
You being the butt of a joke is an issue to correct on the part of the person doing that. A mi me vale madre, you no soy chiste de ninguna persona. I confirm that to and for myself and don’t need fans to tell me. Why do you? You have choices you know. You can choose to see their actions as a way to cope or close that hurt feeling and leave it at that. I think it's a bit school -yardish to ask a crowd to “please tell me I’m right and they’re wrong, so that I feel better.”
Your first rebuttal is a moot point. They are not talking about "real life" and you know that. You know they are talking about the type of implied behavior many male readers here have. But this is your journal. YOU can do what you want or allow here, correct? So they expressed their opinion about it, so what? What hurts you? That they may be right? I in fact have always felt the way Marie feels about how you foster such an archaic and chauvinist attitude in your friends, but it is not my issue to deal with or judge you about.
2. Your second rebuttal is confusing for me. I can't begin to know why you do not have many female friends. However, I will throw this little bit of advice out there: You may have a way with words and pictures that makes some stereotypical males flock to you like flies on shit, the same "friendly" ways don't work on females.
There are plenty of open minded, confident, pretty (or not) women who are not intimidated by you and while you did not blatantly say that, your words of reasons why, does imply that. There are women who are open minded and confident who may see your actions/wording as harmful - NOT as a threat. There is a difference. Just because a woman does not agree with you, does not mean she has self esteem/jealously/confidence issues.
"Am I wrong in now thinking that they disliked me, and was the butt of their jokes from the very beginning?"
As far as your question to your readers is concerned, who gives a flying fuck? So these are the words they chose to close this chapter in their internet life. SO they dislike you now, so what? Were you the butt of their jokes since the beginning - well were you or not? DO you have proof or did they tell you so? Why do you want to upset yourself more over such a loaded question?
All I can say is that it is none of my business about the type of conversations you have with people. But you know this, you are grown woman and as such, I do expect that you can take any information that comes your way and take what you need from it and discard the rest. Again, unless you are hurt because they said something that might be true and you don't want to face it OR you're just being pissy because they didn't cater to your whim and swallow the cutie talk and in fact, you are throwing a veiled tantrum with this post.
I read you posts Savannah, I do. But there are times that some of your threads get stupid complicated and I won’t waste my time internet arguing with people and neither should you. Just because someone says something you don’t want to read, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.
So this is my opinion of things. It is not to make you a butt of a joke. It is not that I am lacking in confidence, or an open mind. You may not like what I say, but I am being truthful and I like you very much and think you deserve to know the true opinion, if you are open enough to accept it.

Oct. 16th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)
Correct me if I'm wrong...
Chris, I hope you've scolded those two as you have me, and as for dragging this out, I don’t believe I have, since it’s my one and ONLY post I’ve made on the matter, and as for starting this, I don’t believe I’m the one who did. The only thing I did was delete them, because, as one admitted, rarely left a comment, and the other, which I probably misunderstood, agreed with the prior commenter that he would probably not be with Livejournal anymore, since he now spent just about all his time with Facebook

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe I ever shot back with ONE single cruel word to these two. Please see Chris, that I'm NOT capable of ever wounding with words anyone on this earth, as they have me. Sure, I've made some really nasty comments about the GOP, Palin the Pain, Rush Limbaugh, etc., but never to anyone who has nothing to do with Politics.

Please read again what I wrote in this post, and the replies I made to those who commented here, about my thoughts about the women on my FList.

As for my comment I made about having more guys than girls on my FList, the reason I gave for this is, which you seem to have missed, is because most have chosen to not accept me because of my adult site I once had linked to this journal, and not because I think I'm God's gift to men. Chris, I'm not that narsistic, believe me.

I'm ONLY a wannabe Playgirl - and ONLY here on the WEB, and that's about it. I’ve ALWAYS made it crystal clear in my user info page that I am NOT seeking, nor will I ever seek any kind of personal relationship with anyone - here, or in my real life. If I show my legs, and rump (WITH clothes), it's for fun and games, and since I'm SINGLE, I believe its okay.

I don’t believe the poor little me syndrome applies to me. I believe I reacted as anyone else would have, had they been called the things those two called me.

Of course, I’m not asking you to choose sides; I’m only asking you to read again exactly what they wrote about me.

Edited at 2009-10-16 12:28 am (UTC)
Oct. 11th, 2009 09:00 am (UTC)
The truth is that you know all of us aren't boys. That some of us read your journal because we feel a common interest with you in being a strong woman.

So yeah. Commenter number one? Is booty hurt cause you dropped him.

The second person? I don't even know.

But you don't need people like that tearing you down anyway. You shouldn't care what they have been or will be saying because now you see them for what they are. Yeah maybe it hurts your feelings, and that is totally understandable. But don't let it eat at you the way it looks like you're doing here either. Just let them go and don't even pay them any attention anymore.

Chances are they posted those things to get exactly what you just did here in this post. A reaction. Don't give them the satisfaction.
Oct. 16th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
Women such as you, as all the rest of my female LJ friends, are are open-minded, interesting, non-judgemental, and are totally confident with who they are, and how they look, ALWAYS have confidence! For the 1st commenter, who happens to be a female, to assume that I deleted the majority of my female friends, and left the majority of my male ones, is beyond me.

For as long as I've had them on my FList, (the first female, 2nd male, who are both friends with each other) I've held the highest respect for. Never for the life of me, did I ever suspect they looked upon me as if I were some kind of animal.

I can't help it, but there words have cause deep wounds, which I'm have trouble forgetting, especially the male's words, because he always lead me to believe he cared for me as a good friend does for another.

Thank you so much for your words!

Oct. 11th, 2009 09:33 am (UTC)
hehe.. look at all the girls reply!

Oct. 16th, 2009 12:53 am (UTC)
Oh yes, and just look at all of them! They are gorgeous women, just like you!
Oct. 12th, 2009 10:21 am (UTC)
Sounds like they are idiots. Oh well... you don't need people like that in your life.
Oct. 16th, 2009 12:56 am (UTC)
No, they aren't idiots, just two extremely cruel people, who obvioulsy never hold back when it comes to slaughtering someones heart.
Oct. 13th, 2009 03:03 am (UTC)
Well I am confused as well, as to why you will make venimous remarks about people whom you do not know, i.e the Tea Party Goers, Some of whom you really do know... and someo of them care for you deeply but you hold your rage against so called "friends" who raile against you and insult you and your intelligence.

But it is your journal and more power to you. I just dont understand some times, but you are better off without those who are jealous of you or your accomplishments.
Oct. 16th, 2009 02:16 am (UTC)
I'm a little teapot
Oh my apple dumplin'! I would think you would understand my anger towards the GOP, old Palin the Pain, and the rest of those Tea Party going zits, along with their silly little tea cups, and soggy, dripping little tea bags, since you express the same feeling towards Demo's and President Obama.

No daddy, those two aren't jealous at all, since they are elitists with college degrees, and I'm the dumb-witted one with only a simple little high school diploma.

I'm a little teapot,
Short and stout
Here is my handle,
Here is my spout
When I get all steamed up,
Hear me shout
Just tip me over and pour me out!
Re: I'm a little teapot - daddy - Oct. 16th, 2009 03:58 am (UTC) - Expand
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