Playgirl's Mechanical World (playgirl) wrote,
Playgirl's Mechanical World
playgirl

So sad, but it had to be done



I went through my FList, and found that most had never left a comment to any of my posts, so again I deleted well over 100. This makes well over 400 that I’ve deleted this year. If I keep this up, I’ll eventually end up with ZERO LJ pals, but since I’ve never looked for LJ quantity, it will be fine with me. For some odd reason, it has always left an empty sad place in my heart, but I since all these people have never really intermingled with me, I had no choice but to do it.

The prior post I made caused me to realize that most didn’t give a hoot about me, since no body accepted my invitation to my other journal. I was happy to find that out of 260 LJ friends, 50-something did accept my invitation.

There are only three reasons why most didn’t accept:

1. They have totally abandoned their own LJ’s.
2. They have switched to Facebook.
3. They could have cared less if I completely left this Playgirl journal and dawdled along to my other one, never to be heard of again.

I could start a Facebook account if I wanted to, but I never will, because LJ meets my needs for expressing my personal thoughts, while others add their input, whether they agree with me or not.

I have big spurts of being anti-social in real life. There are times where I want absolutely nothing to do with my REAL friends, and family. Then, there are times where I’ve been called a social butterfly. I have never had any control over how I will feel from one day to the other.

I have both a cell phone, and a regular phone with an answering machine, but I RARELY call, or answer calls. The only time I use my phone is to make important calls that last for a couple of minutes. I hate phones! If I want to really talk, I do so in front of friends, or family. I give thanks to God that all my friends, especially my 3 best friends, and family understand me and put up with me, because they know down deep inside that I love them, and would do anything for them.

Many have assumed that because of the other website I have, and because I’m called Sexy Legs Playgirl, that I’m a party animal. I am not. In fact, I HATE it, and will on RARE occasions accept a date, and if I do, I tell the guy that I will drive my car, and he can drive his own to the destination. I get claustrophobic if I find I can’t leave when I want to, just as I find I can’t breathe when someone makes it obvious that he wants a serious relationship with me. This is something I cannot help, but I have grown to accept it. This is why I’ve always been up front, that I am not, nor will I ever seek an exchange of that certain kind of love relationship.

I realize that when I’m old and gray, I’ll regret having thrown away a few guys who I feel truly loved me. I have always guarded myself against those feelings in my real life. Most know me as the biggest flirt in the world, and I am, and I’m great at it, but only because I know that I can flirt for the rest of my life. I did make let down my guard with one of my LJ friend’s, but only because I knew that it would be a cold day in hell that he would seriously have true feelings for me, and visa versa. After 2 years of communication, I found to my surprise that he very well might be telling the truth that he was in love with me. I was also extremely surprised that I had feelings for him that I never had before. He invited me to Missouri, because he wanted me to go to the ball. I didn’t. He very recently passed his bar exam and is now a full fledged attorney.

When I realized to what extent, feelings were involved, I put an end to it immediately! I believe I hurt him deeply, and I know I’ll regret to my dying day that I let him go, because I kinda believe he truly loved me. Perhaps he is reading this now, or perhaps not, since he is among those I deleted yesterday from my FList. I want him to be happy, and to find (perhaps and hopefully he already has :o), someone is just as educated, wonderful, and worthy of him (I am none of these things.)

I learned yet another lesson from this experience, and that is to never again, permit anyone to come too close to me. There are a few of you that I find extremely sexy. Intelligence in a man is sexiness to me. I’ve found myself very TEMPTED to actually chat with a few of you on one to one bases, but I won’t, because I’m honestly not worth it.

Anyway, I will continue expressing myself here in my PLAYGIRL journal (since it’s my paid, and permanent account), and in the other one. I’ll soon start looking for more new pals for both journals with more or less my same interests, and who actually enjoy LJ. I have had a MySpace account for a long time, but I only have it for networking. I will never get Facebook, because as you can see, I have no use for it.

All in all, I want QUALITY, not QUANTITY when it comes to LJ, and will most likely delete even more from my list.

Oh, and I’m perfectly content with my 10 or 20 cats, 12 dogs, and my once homeless old man I call Grandpa. They have no choice but to put up with me! Besides, I do travel a lot. :o)


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Tags: deleted, friends, livejournal
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