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Heartbreak

I have spent a fortune spading, neutering, and micro-chipping countless ferals. I believe this was one of my main calls in life. I've had the cats micro-chipped because if you are caught with a cat or dog which has not been micro-chipped, you will be fined $2,000. I have had over stray cats.

I realized that there could possibly be one or two cats that I didn't trap, and I was right. Within the 2 past months, I've had a total of 8 more kittens from 2 different cats. It is very painful to be an animal lover, and I've been slowly dying inside from the pain I've felt by having to literally scrap cats from the street pavement. I am helpless when it comes to protecting these wild cats that I love. Unlike my 8 once stray dogs, and my 4 little indoor dogs, one cannot keep them fenced in for their protection.

I mentioned a while back, that the dog catcher's truck was parked in front of my house. This happened on two occasions, and was unable to enter my yard, because I keep my 11 foot solid rought iron fence locked. I've not seen the truck anymore, and I'm positive someone reported me, because I have so many cats.

One day, I decided not to drive my car into my driveway, because I was exhausted to drive in, walk all the way to the front, and close the gate and lock it. In the morning, I found the tires of my car slashed. That same day, I found one of my cats dead on my porch. After thoroughly inspecting its little body, I found no wounds. I believe he was poisoned.

Someone is killing my cats somewhere, and I believe they are being killed with pellet guns, because I found 2 of my cats with wounds. MANY of my cats are now missing. Davy, Helen Keller, and 2 other of my indoor cats aren't permitted anymore to go outside to play, and get fresh air, because I am terrified they will be killed, also.

This past week, I left the front gate opened, because on my arrival from work, I had planned on showering and leaving for Sam's immediately. I hear my outside dogs barking, so I went to the porch window, and saw 2 strange huge brown dogs. One was running after my cats and the other in my porch where the kittens were. I almost broke the window, and then ran outside, but it was too late, because the dog had one of the kittens in his mouth. I ran after him, screaming and crying, but they were to fast for me. I didn't sleep that night.

Yesterday morning, I got into my car to leave for work. I slowly backed the car, got out and walked to the gate to close and lock it, when I saw blood everywhere, and a flat tiny piece of white fur. I slowly walked up to it, praying as my heart beat a mile a minute, that it wasn't what I thought it was, but it was. I ran over one of the kittens. There are no words to express the horror, and heartbreak I felt. I went and got a little box, pick what remained of the kitten, and placed him in the backyard to bury when I'd return from work.

I didn't sleep last night. I have felt myself slowly dying inside for a long time from the excruciating pain I'm constantly exposed to. I will never have control of this pain, because I believe stray little animals will forever find me, and I will never be able to turn them away.

I believe all true animal lovers feel the same way I do, and that is, that it isn't good to love animals so much.

To try and get my mind off of this gut wrenching pain I'm feeling, I will be making posts about racists, and racism.

Comments

( 31 comments — Leave a comment )
xjenavivex
Jul. 15th, 2009 07:45 pm (UTC)
::hugs you tight::
playgirl
Jul. 15th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)
My eyes look and feel as though I splashed them with vinegar.

Thank you for the much needed hugs.
sputnik
Jul. 15th, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC)
This is heart breaking. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Now...I'm going to say something you don't want to hear. It seems to me that you are in over your head. In your desire to help these animals you are putting them in danger. The problem of stray animals is bigger than you. Have you considered donating your time and money to a shelter?
playgirl
Jul. 15th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)
Not one penny...
My friends and family have told me the same thing, but what can I do, if it's impossible to turn away strays? I've tried, but I can't.

As for the Humane Society in this city, I will not give them one penny, because they have never helped me. I used to go, only to find that they didn't have enough trappers to lend, so I went to Pet Smart and bought one of my own. They have not helped me with one penny when it's come to paying for the COUNTLESS cats I've had my vet spay and neuter. I once took some kittens to the shelter to put up for adoption, and was turned away, because I made the mistake of telling the truth, that they were from stray cats.

I became an ASPC sponsor, over a year ago, of a dog and cat. $22.00 a month are automatically withdrawn from my Am. Express card. I would give more, but can't, because I've also been sponsoring a little girl from Africa for the same amount of time. $35.00 is also withdrawn automatically each month from my Am. Ex.

You'll be seeing a pic of this little girls very soon! :o)
dolston
Jul. 15th, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
playgirl
Jul. 15th, 2009 08:45 pm (UTC)
Strange how hugs help when one is in pain.

Thank you!
ayoub
Jul. 15th, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
:(

Poor kitties... :(

*hugs you tight*
playgirl
Jul. 15th, 2009 08:44 pm (UTC)
No, don't hug me, because if you do, I'll never be able to stop hugging you back.
(no subject) - ayoub - Jul. 15th, 2009 08:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
drake57
Jul. 15th, 2009 09:46 pm (UTC)
*Hugs you tight*
I'm so sorry mi amiga.
*sends you much good vibes*
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 04:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you pooh, for the good vibes and tight hugs!
fourcorners
Jul. 15th, 2009 09:59 pm (UTC)
This is an infuriating post. Who could do such a horrible thing to cats? I hope something awful happens to them to balance out karma

You're not at fault, my dear. You give these poor helpless animals a home and give them love. You've done so much for them, and you can't protect them all the time. The world is a dangerous place and I really do hope that everything winds up on a happy note somehow.

You're a wonderful person and one of the best people I know. I want you to know how high I hold you
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 11:48 pm (UTC)
I hope so to, and thank you for your very kind words. I feel the same way about you!
jasonecaesar
Jul. 15th, 2009 10:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, my.
Evil times.

Put up security cameras on your property? Perhaps get video of who is doing it and prosecute them?
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh, my.
Yes Sweet Pie, these are evil times, but the evilness of some people has been around since the beginning of time. How I despise them.
Re: Oh, my. - jasonecaesar - Jul. 17th, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
weathermanphil
Jul. 15th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
Awww... hugs and kisses
If I lived near you I would adopt 1 or 2 of your kitties to help ease some of your stress. =)
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
I know Sweetheart!
jblaque
Jul. 15th, 2009 10:41 pm (UTC)
This is both horrifying and heartbreaking at the same time. Someone with a heart as big as yours should not have to suffer through this. People can be so fucking evil sometimes...

*hugs*
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 04:53 pm (UTC)
For as long as I live, I'll never understand the cold hearted evilness of some people when it comes to animals. Don't they realize that they have the exact same feelings as we humans? Don't they understand that they feel fear, hunger, jealousy, PAIN, and LOVE? These people are evil monsters, that somehow made their way into our earth, instead of the depths of hell!

Thank you!
(no subject) - jblaque - Jul. 17th, 2009 05:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 04:49 pm (UTC)
Yes, you do feel my pain. You are so special for so many reasons, but because you love cats, you are extra special in my eyes!
nawlins_penguin
Jul. 16th, 2009 06:05 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're having such trials. It's pretty outrageous, on many levels, but you're not the root cause. If anything, you remain the foundation for these kitties to lean on.
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 04:45 pm (UTC)
I am as strong as can be, but when it comes to the pain, and cruelty of animals, I totally break down. I just can't explain in words, the things that happen somewhere between my heart, and throat.

Thank you Sweet Pie!
dlanor
Jul. 16th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
A super big HUG from an ole guy
(((((((((HUG)))))))))))

There is something in you that attracts the critters, He knows you can handle the pain. Just remember to give it back to Him each day.
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the big hug. I can't understand why you call yourself an ole guy. I've seen pics of you, and I do not see an ole guy. I see a mature looking guy who is a real looker! Ask your wife, and I'll bet she will tell you the same! :o)

You are right, I attract little critters like bees to honey. I wish with all my heart I didn't. I only hope and pray, that He has a special little paradise for all His little critters.

Ron, I'm taking this as badly as can be.
oninofro
Jul. 17th, 2009 05:23 am (UTC)
*warm hugs*

I wish I could help or solve the situation as it sounds like, in some of the cases, that (weak) people are targeting your little friends. :(

makes me angry.
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 11:58 pm (UTC)
It makes me so angry, too! I also wish you could help, but I'm in an impossible situation which I've been chosen from someone about to deal with it.

Thank you, y muchos abrazos!
brute_force
Jul. 17th, 2009 12:40 pm (UTC)
I have...
9 cats. They are all rescues or former strays. We had 11 but two were sent off to a good home at a farm in Mass. I've mugged (trapped and spay/neutered) over 18 cats in the past few year, and yes, I've scarped a few from the road. I even joked about it. "there are six people working here, of them I'm the only straight male,we all love our cats here, we talk about equality and how everyone should get equal treatment, till one of the cats dies... Then it's "Thomas, I can't bare it, go be a man and clean that up.!""

It is sad I know. All one can do is to do the most good. I do what I can, and accept that it will never seem to be enough. I hope you find your way of dealing with this.
playgirl
Jul. 17th, 2009 11:55 pm (UTC)
Re: I have...
I have tried so hard to find good homes for my cats, but nobody wants them.

You are so right, we try so hard, but it never seems to be enough. I know I'll be experiencing more pain, because I have so many of them, and although I keep fresh water, and plenty of food, they venture off to explore, not knowing that there is so much danger.

Thank you Sweet Pie, and hugs!
ormembar
Jul. 18th, 2009 05:34 am (UTC)
Im very sorry!, de verdad lo siento mucho, entiendo cuanto dolor debes sentir, animo! mucho animo y fuerza para continuar..
( 31 comments — Leave a comment )

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