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1. I wish the news media would leave Britney Spears alone. Why so much interest and even pleasure in the suffering and downfall of this beautiful woman? It’s obvious that she isn’t well, why can’t people understand this?

I watched the photographers yesterday behaving like a hungry vultures to get her picture. The scene was utterly shameful and disgusting.

2. I’ve already started the New Year on the wrong foot, and have come to the conclusion that I’m just a self centered egotistical bitch. I've pretty much had spurts of being anti-social most of my life, and I believe it’s come back to haunt me. I have been blessed by having 3 of the most wonderful best friends anyone could ask for; girlfriends who will do anything possible for me, and I believe I’ve lost 2 of them, Lolly and Norma, because I rarely answer the phone when they call me, and rarely accept invitations to go out for entertainment. I always keep the 10 ft. gate locked, making it impossible for anyone to reach me. Glory had tried to reach me for over a month, and I finally answered yesterday, before I’d lose her, too. She told me Lolly and Norma were going to start giving me some of my own medicine. I’m just going to have to find a way of swallowing this ridiculous pride I have, and call them until they answer. I don’t want to lose them forever!

I noticed about a week ago, that they weren’t calling me at all anymore, so I called them, and they didn’t answer the phone. I called about 4 different times, and left a message for them to call me. They haven’t, and I feel so sad. I’ve also lost 3 guys in my lifetime who I believe truly loved me, but because I have this abnormal fear of love and commitment. Yes, I've foolishly let them get away. More than ever, I realize I will someday die an old spinster with my body all decomposed in a rocking chair with a bunch of dogs and cats, because it's impossible for me to ever change.

I’m feeling so worthless and sad.

3. I’m going to try and add some new icons in
[info]pillowtalkicons today.

4. I’m trying to forget my sorrows by trying to concentrate on C++. At this time, I don't have any real goals for C++, it just seems like an interesting language to learn since it can be used for any kind of development ranging from operating systems to hardware drivers, and from software applications to web pages, and even other programing languages which I think is amazing! But I also see that the learning will be pretty huge.

After spending several hours thumbing through these books, I think that it's possible that I got in over my head, so I went out to a used bookstore and got a copy of 'Success with C++' by Kris Jamsa. It's an older book (1994) but geared towards a C++ beginner. At the moment, I am learning about something called I/O (input / output) which at first seemed totally obsolete since it is DOS based, but as I read on, I found that I/O is not only for DOS console display, but you can write output to another device such as files on your disk which is pretty fun! I have not reached anything regarding the "heap-allocated memory" topic a very nice person commented in my last post about C++, but when I get to it in chapter 7, I hope that I'll be able to understand what it all means.

I’m working on something pretty complicated that I believe you’ll find very interesting, and of course it’s going to be free. I do plan on placing affiliate banners to make money from internet surfers. Wish me luck!


Join The NRA

"The Right Of The People To Keep and
Bear Arms, Shall Not Be infringed."


( 60 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jan. 15th, 2008 08:29 pm (UTC)
Building C++ skills is a worthy investment of your time if you’re interested in writing your own code. If you don’t have any luck with the books you’ve bought try the library, as sometimes the ideal book is a matter of style. What works for some people may not work for someone else.
Jan. 18th, 2008 12:31 am (UTC)
my own code
Yes, it really is. I am very interested in writing my own code. Keep crossing your fingers for me. :o)
Jan. 15th, 2008 08:39 pm (UTC)
1) Everyone loves a good train wreck and those induhviduals make their money giving people pictures of those train wrecks.

2) Yeah, you need to start grinning and baring it when it comes to being around friends when you are in a mood. Maybe you can try answer the phone and just telling the truth, i.e. "I am in a crappy mood and am not good company. Can I call you back when I am in a better mood?"

3) Yeah, learning a programming language can be a daunting task. In some ways, learning C/C++ is like eating an elephant. You can't do it all in one sitting, you have to do it in chunks and just work your way through.

I always find it is easier to learn a language if one has a goal or project in mind. That way, you don't go stray off course. You may want to sit down and come up with a project or a problem to solve.

You might also want to look at Practical C++ Programming, Second Edition, C++, The core language, or even C++ for dummies. Don't underestimate the Dummies books as a good starting point.

And, you can always ask for help. I know some C++ and I am sure there are other who know it as well.
Jan. 18th, 2008 12:35 am (UTC)
the elephant and C++
1. Sadly, you're right.
2. If they ever call me, I promise to do what you've suggested!
3. Oh my goodness, your right about C++ being just like eating a very big elephant! It is starting to make sense, a little chunk at a time. Thanks for those links, and for offering your help!
Jan. 15th, 2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
Moping about it isn't going to change anything. YOu can't change the past and you can't predict the future. Just learn from what has happenned and move on. That is all you can do.

You can change. And it doesn't have to be hard. It can be easy. The first thing you need to do is stop convincing yourself this is difficult because if you do then it will be difficult. This doesn't have to be hard Savannah. Just take it one step at a time. Even baby steps. Progress is still progress.

Remember this number one rule. You're doing this to yourself. For whatever reason. You want this. And with that same element..you can unwant it. Only through actions though. Saying "change" doesn't make change. Educate yourself on what you need to do and then do it. And that may take a while but it can and will happen if you want it bad enough.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - see_dog - Jan. 16th, 2008 05:39 am (UTC) - Expand
What would I do - playgirl - Jan. 18th, 2008 12:36 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: What would I do - see_dog - Jan. 18th, 2008 05:44 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: What would I do - see_dog - Jan. 18th, 2008 05:56 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 15th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC)
In my opinion, the reason why Britney is suffering and is having a major downfall is because the media won't leave her alone.
Jan. 18th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
can she heal
I believe so, too. How in the world can she heal if the news media is at her every step! So sad.
Jan. 15th, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC)
Honestly, I'm the same way. I have issues about commitment, too. I understand where you're coming from. I can completely enjoy someone's company and we can have amazing good times, but when it seems that they're starting to get a little too attached, it's a little strange for me. I do try and get better and confront my own problems. I do think that my limitations on that front do make me less likely to put myself out there on the dating scene
Jan. 18th, 2008 12:39 am (UTC)
And here I always thought I was the only one, but I honestly believe you'll eventually start feeling and reacting differently, and I hope you do, because being this way, isn't a life.
Jan. 15th, 2008 10:23 pm (UTC)
Out of all this sadly I'm commenting on Britany. It goes back to the old "Well if this can happen to someone who was so famous and powerful it's very entertaining!" That's why all those plays about Richard III and things were big hits. In plays, when royalty had problems and suffering it really hit hard to the audience of "normal people." A lot of it is that we like to see people fall as a society. I never really cared for much of her music and as an entertainer I'm jealous of how young and quickly she made her millions. There are thousands of musical geniuses out there carrying their own equipment into shit-gigs every night. They come out, scrape the ice off their cars, practice for hours, have perfect voices...meanwhile she has slaves doing everything for her when she's only 17, she doesn't even sing live, and making MILLIONS. Now people like me enjoy watching it come back to bite her in the ass. Sure, I would have preferred it happen to Ashlie Simpson first, but hers will come to.
Jan. 18th, 2008 12:49 am (UTC)
the entertainment world
Britney came from a lower middle class family, and created her fame and fortune all on her own. She must have been a good entertainer, otherwise, she would never have made the fortune she made, and continues to make on a daily basis.

Yes, there are so many extremely talented people who will never be discovered, and this is sad, but I believe it not only takes talent, but luck to make it in the entertainment world. The only thing to do is to keep trying.
Re: the entertainment world - robdurham - Jan. 18th, 2008 01:00 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: the entertainment world - playgirl - Jan. 23rd, 2008 05:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 15th, 2008 10:27 pm (UTC)
1)People tend to somehow enjoy the downfall of others, especially if they are celebrity, it becomes fun to hear to some to hear how low they will sink and to want a pic of this. It's pretty sad. I think Britney is like a lost soul, she seems to be a talented woman who has so much, but can't find the way to enjoy it. I agree it's sick to see the paparazzi trying to snap a picture of you coming out of the hospital, doctors, etc.

2)It's tough to admit your making mistakes with friends, so congrats on realizing this. Also for wanting to make things right and not be so anti-social. This indicates your not anywhere near worthless, you are aware something is wrong and you want to make things better. It takes patience and time to do so, you won't turn into a social butterfly overnight, but with work you can become close to one. :)

3)Yea for new icons!

4)C++ can be great if you want to write your own code, all I can say is good luck!!
Jan. 18th, 2008 12:58 am (UTC)
a herd of buffalo
1. It was quite frightening to see the paparazzi behave like a mob. Had they been able to successfully catch her, I'm sure they would have trampled her to death, with a herd of buffalo!

2. I'm trying to change my ways, but it's so hard, but you're right, I must start taking baby steps for the sake of regaining the friendship of my two girlfriends.

3. Yikes! Forgot about the icons! I'll put them up soon! :o)

4. Yes, I do want to write my own codes, and thank you for wishing me luck, because I'm going to need it!
Jan. 15th, 2008 10:48 pm (UTC)
you seem to be having a tough day~ just thought I'd drop by and let you know you were on my mind and that I said a little prayer for ya.
p.s. your friends will come back around. could be a bout of depression vs. the self centered egotistical bitch self diagnosis. *grin* either way, you're loved and lovely and here's to you finding a smile somewhere nearby~
Jan. 18th, 2008 01:07 am (UTC)
February is just around ...
Januarys and I just don't seem to take to each other. This month tends to make me feel sorry for myself, but never fear, February is just around the corner! :o)

Thank you for thinking of me, and for your very kind words, and for your prayers! I feel the same way about you, and you are in my prayers always!
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 23rd, 2008 05:28 pm (UTC)
Re: I love you still
I'm so sorry to hear your husband is terminal, and that he's started giving you a rough time! My prayers are for both of you, that he calms down, and that you will be able to continue handling his change of character.

I also am concerned for the welfare of Britney's children, but I'm also concerned for her. I hope she finds true help, so she can start living a normal life and being that wonderfully talented woman she once was.

As for my two girlfriends, I finally swallowed my pride and called them, and they answered. They have forgiven me for being so self centered when it comes to them. I have promised myself to change my ways, because they mean the world to me, and I know I'll never find true friends like they have proven themselves to be.

I also send you much love and lots of bear hugs!
Jan. 16th, 2008 03:45 am (UTC)
1) I don't really keep up with Britney to actually comment on her situation, but If the media is making things worse for her, then I do sympathize. However, at the same time, she gained much from the media when she was an upcoming star. The media comes with the territory, so she needs to learn to deal with it all.

2) Well, there's hope for you yet. Afterall, you've identified a challenge, and you seem to be pretty good at overcoming them.

Jan. 18th, 2008 01:16 am (UTC)
old silly self
1. You're right about much of her fame having come from the media, but this doesn't mean she owes them her soul. Had you seen what I saw on TV, you'd know exactly what I mean.

2. I've always known what challenges I have to face, and have overcome all of them, except for this particular one. Anyway, I'll be back to my old silly self, just as soon as this month is over! :o) Oh, and thanks for making me smile the other day at the chat place!

Re: old silly self - moon_shine - Jan. 18th, 2008 01:30 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 16th, 2008 04:09 am (UTC)
My feelings about Brittany will not help anyone if I expound them, so Ill keep them a secret.

AS for your Friends, I dont know where you got your fear of committment from, or your self destructive mannerisms toward your friends, but as is always said The simple fact that you know yopu have a problem means you are well on your way to recovery IF you want to be helped.

Friends are our greatest blessings here on earth, they are truly gifts from God, for it is his will that we come together and develop that bond. I really feel that to turn our backs on those friends, is equal to refusing one of Gods gift.

Have you tried to identify why you shut your friends out? Why cannot you not accept the love that a man wishes to give you? Maybe a few sessions with a therapist can start you on your way! I am not a Dr., but I have two very receptive ears and would be most happy to listen if you wanna just vent on anything.

You know how much I love you and would be willing to do anything to help in any way...
Jan. 18th, 2008 01:57 am (UTC)
can't find myself
This has been very hard for me. Since I made this post, I've tried to call them, but right before I dial the last number. Sending an email hasn't worked, either, because I end up deleting it before I send it. Isn't it funny how we take people for granted, and when we don't have them anymore, we want them more than ever!? This is the way I feel.

The way I feel is, I called them close to a week ago, and left a message, and they never returned my call. I really can't find myself calling them, because of my pride, so I only hope and pray they eventually call me.

Thank you for caring. It means the world to me, and I love you very much, too!
Re: can't find myself - daddy - Jan. 18th, 2008 02:11 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 16th, 2008 04:24 am (UTC)
why don't you try emailing them or send them snail mail greeting cards just to say hi
Jan. 18th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC)
I delete it
I've tried, but just as soon as I'm about to push the send button, I delete it. :o(

And speaking of greeting cards, I'll soon post a pic of the greeting cards I received. Yours is soooo adorable! I'll give my thanks in that post!
Jan. 16th, 2008 06:24 am (UTC)
*hugs you until the sad is gone*

You aren't worthless my dear and heck i'm the same way about the anti-social stuff.
Jan. 18th, 2008 01:22 am (UTC)
The world is missing out
Thank you dear one, but there are times I feel I am.

The world is missing out on two great personalities! You and I must start working on that anti-social stuff! :o)
Jan. 16th, 2008 07:12 am (UTC)
You'll never convince me that you're egotistical or self centred!

*hugs you*
Jan. 18th, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)
Thank you for your very kind words, and for the much needed hugs!
(no subject) - ayoub - Jan. 18th, 2008 12:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 16th, 2008 07:28 am (UTC)
1. According to Rupert Everett on Hollywood:
“A 50 year old male drug addict will be supported. Everyone feels enormous compassion for them. Without naming names, female alcoholics and drug addicts are absolutely rejected. It’s not accepted.

“No one suggests that Robert Downey Jr (who went to prison twice while battling drink and drug problems) was really that crazy whereas Britney Spears is almost witch hunted.”

And that was MONTHS ago.

2. Sounds more like depression than egotistical bitchery, personally. And that's coming from a guy who's married to a woman with depression.

(Regardless of What You Were Taught to Believe...) There Is Nothing Wrong With You: Going Beyond Self-Hate. It's a book by Cheri Huber and one Lexi finds a lot of value in and recommends. It comes from a Zen Buddhist perspective, but it's not excessively mystical or esoteric.

3. Yay, icons!

Jan. 23rd, 2008 05:46 pm (UTC)
1. Who is this man? He's so wonderfully funny, and compassionate. How I wish Britney Spears would talk to him!

2. I'll try to find this book you've recommended!

3. Yes, icons that I still haven't had a chance to put up! :o(

4. Both Monkey and Playgirl stares on in utter confusion, but it's slowly, VERY slowly, starting to sink in! Hopefully, in about a month, I'll be able to show you what I will do!
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