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The Handshake


The Handshake


I was introduced to someone and when I extended my hand to give a firm handshake, I got in return four fingers and barely a thumb, wet noodle type of handshake. I felt like I was shaking a limp, wet and slimy COLD DEAD FISH! She gave me no eye contact, and in fact, was looking the other way! This isn’t the first time I’ve received a handshake like this.

As far back when I was a child, I was taught the importance of this simple act when dealing with first encounters. Don’t these people realize it’s the handshake that gives a favorable or unfavorable first impression?

I’ve also gotten another type of handshake, the powerful crushing Mike Tyson handshake that actually has brought tears to my eyes!

Please give me your thoughts on this simple gesture of handshaking, and any particular experiences you’ve encountered.


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( 59 comments — Leave a comment )
daddy
Dec. 15th, 2006 12:04 am (UTC)
Handshakes and Hugs: both should be firm enough that you know the person you are giving them to, or getting them from is ALIVE, and is actually pleased to meet you. Anything else is a waste of time and effort.

I once recieved a hug that was absent of all warmth and feeling and my first reply was to apologise to the person for not sending a card to the funeral. She was not very pleased when I explained the statement, but she did learn her l;esson and now gives warm and genuine hugs and handshakes.
playgirl
Dec. 15th, 2006 02:01 am (UTC)
jaw dropped down to my knees
If only these people would realize what a terrible impression they leave.

You're not going to believe how this guy shook my hand one. He took my and, shook it, then with his other hand, he spread my index finger and the finger next to it, then stuck out his tongue and licked right between them!!! I promise to God he did this!! I didn't do a damn thing, because my jaw dropped down to my knees, and I walked away in shock! haaaaaaaa
Re: jaw dropped down to my knees - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:58 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: jaw dropped down to my knees - daddy - Dec. 15th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:43 am (UTC) - Expand
harley1456
Dec. 15th, 2006 12:18 am (UTC)
every week at our graduation I teach each student a proper handshake
dumpsterdiva
Dec. 15th, 2006 01:02 am (UTC)
Good on you. Parents aren't doing this as much as they did when I was young, if at all.

I am glad you have taken over for them with this responsibility. How the hell will kids learn if someone doesn't teach them?
(no subject) - harley1456 - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:26 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:57 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - harley1456 - Dec. 15th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC) - Expand
Understood! - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 03:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - harley1456 - Dec. 15th, 2006 07:38 am (UTC) - Expand
I'm so glad you're doing this - playgirl - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:16 am (UTC) - Expand
moon_shine
Dec. 15th, 2006 12:30 am (UTC)
Yap a firm handshake, hug or even a kiss if you mean it. Then do it right! :o) Put every thing you need to in to it. But if it is just for show then why even try that is what I think. And a first impression is very important and the dead fish handshake that sounds like she thinks she is to good to even touch you and eye contact is what it is all about.
dumpsterdiva
Dec. 15th, 2006 01:03 am (UTC)
Can you demonstrate that, please?

;)
(no subject) - moon_shine - Dec. 15th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 01:46 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - moon_shine - Dec. 15th, 2006 01:55 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:38 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - moon_shine - Dec. 16th, 2006 12:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
The only vibes this type of - playgirl - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:22 am (UTC) - Expand
Speaking of the Queen.... - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:40 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Speaking of the Queen.... - moon_shine - Dec. 16th, 2006 01:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Speaking of the Queen.... - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 16th, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: The only vibes this type of - moon_shine - Dec. 16th, 2006 01:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
dumpsterdiva
Dec. 15th, 2006 01:00 am (UTC)
We had a veterinary salesman once that gave the kind of handshake you described above.

I always wanted to wash my hands afterward...immediately.

He was quite the macho-type guy..so it was even stranger.

My Nana taught all of us to give a proper handshake when I was little. Firm, look the other in the eye, and say, "Pleased to meet you"

Of course, not everyone has someone like my Nana to teach them the proper handshake. There are those that want to crush your fingers repeatedly in their grip, leaving your hand in that dead fish state.

Creepy, eh?

Glad to see that a teacher above teaches their students a proper handshake.
{I taught second year and included a bit of Miss Manners in my own curriculum}
playgirl
Dec. 15th, 2006 01:35 am (UTC)
Have you ever had a
Have you ever had a Mike Tyson hand shake, while wearing a ring? Oh my God, does that ever hurt!

This man once did that to me, and he left a lasting impression on me to this day; not a good one at all. He kept squeezing my hand and wouldn't stop. I wonder if this type of person knows exactly what he's doing, and takes this opportunity to inflict pain?! I wonder...
Re: Have you ever had a - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 01:39 am (UTC) - Expand
inspectorjury
Dec. 15th, 2006 01:24 am (UTC)
When I shake hands I always pat a woman on the butt afterwards. It makes them totally forget my limp fish handshake. LOL No really I believe that a good handshake is one of the most important things you can devlope. It is indeed a big part of a first impression. Firm warm without being crushing.
dumpsterdiva
Dec. 15th, 2006 01:48 am (UTC)
How firm and warm is that pat on the butt, though?

Enough to leave a 'lasting impression'?
(no subject) - playgirl - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:04 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:19 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - inspectorjury - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:42 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC) - Expand
OUCH! - playgirl - Dec. 15th, 2006 03:19 am (UTC) - Expand
High-Five, inspecturjury - playgirl - Dec. 15th, 2006 01:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:42 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
playgirl
Dec. 15th, 2006 02:15 am (UTC)
Re: For whatever reason, a handshake carries deep meaning.
Sometimes, a firm, friendly handshake is mightier than the sword, and can conquer the world!

Don't these wet noodles see the negative reaction they get just as soon as they shake hands with someone? Whenever I encounter these dead fish handshakers, I find that I just can't get away from him fast enough!

It's obvious this new guy isn't going to get the hint ever, so why don't you pull him to the side and educate him. Just tell him bluntly, your handshaking SUCKS, and if you don't do something about it PRONTO, the boss is going to can you!
Yes...Do take him aside and teach him! - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 15th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Yes...Do take him aside and teach him! - playgirl - Dec. 15th, 2006 04:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
sir_brettley
Dec. 15th, 2006 02:49 am (UTC)
When I get a bad handshake it is usually from someone who comes from a society where handshakes are not the norm, such as Japan. But there have been a few westerners who have given bad handshakes, and there is always the "miss" where you go for the hand and almost miss, causing and awkward grip. :D
playgirl
Dec. 15th, 2006 04:22 pm (UTC)
I don't believe I've ever shook the hand of a Japanese before, but if I ever should, I'll make it a point to notice how he does it.

I've encountered quite a few westerners who needed some schooling in how to give a good handshake, especially women.

I've seen some of those 'miss' handshakes, too. Those are really funny! :o)
styggie
Dec. 15th, 2006 06:26 am (UTC)
i feel embassed when i give a more "manly" (aka firm) handshake than the guy i am shaking hands with. Embassed for them.

The ones i hate most are the ones that hold on too long. And then hold on some more. Three pumps and let go, i wasn't asking for a life commitment dude ;)
playgirl
Dec. 15th, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC)
I know exactly what you mean
I know exactly what you mean! I've given handshakes to a couple of Mike Tyson body builder types, and gotten in return a girlish wet noodle handshake!

And yes, there's the other kind of handshake where the guy grabs your hand, and with each pump, he pulls you closer and closer to him, until you can see the hairs in his nostrils!! heh heh
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 16th, 2006 08:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
photosexual
Dec. 15th, 2006 07:47 am (UTC)
Let me just say this about that...
firstly, the graphic is spectacular. I mean that. I'm enjoying it way too much.

Perhaps the most memorable dead fish handshake I ever got was from Marilyn Manson. I don't know what I was expecting, but ever since I went to business college and they taught me how to shake a hand, I've been disappointed by the merely passive and horrifying handshakes I receive from people. Manson gets some slack. I believe I was perhaps hand # 5,000 with another 2k of them behind me, not to mention the scribbly things he did in the book for the previous 5k also. And I'm certain that he was higher than a goddamned kite, but I'm ok with that, compared to the handshake.

I actually get impressed when I find someone that does an assertive handshake. no dead fish. no bone crushers. a simple and firm handshake. It's so rare. I've met more rock stars with decent shakes than otherwise socially popular people in business or friendship. In local rockstar handshakes, Betty X, and Sascha K (KMFDM) are the other memorably impressive ones. But corporate types? Dead fishes.



playgirl
Dec. 15th, 2006 03:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Let me just say this about that...
I'm glad you liked my fish. I can't get over looking at him, either! :o)

After 5,000 or more handshakes, I can't blame Marilyn Manson for giving you a wimpy handshake.

A good handshake is an art which must be perfected in order to get anywhere in this world.

I must toot my horn and say that I'm an excellent handshaker, and a hugger, too! heh heh
Re: Let me just say this about that... - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 16th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
bluesman02779
Dec. 15th, 2006 12:31 pm (UTC)
I'm a crusher. A good handshake means a lot.

The hug with the little pat, pat, pat on the back makes me crazy.
playgirl
Dec. 15th, 2006 03:41 pm (UTC)
Yes, a good handshake lets you know what the person is all about.

So, does a hug with a little pat on the back makes you go crazy in a nice way or not?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Dec. 15th, 2006 06:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
davev1968
Dec. 15th, 2006 01:35 pm (UTC)
I have begun to think like this radio curmudgeon I heard. Shaking hands is unsanitary. I don't know where your hands have been. We should salute instead.
playgirl
Dec. 15th, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
Or perhaps start doing the High-Five?! :o)
He's probably right - dumpsterdiva - Dec. 16th, 2006 08:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
a_phoenix
Dec. 15th, 2006 05:38 pm (UTC)
I too HATE the "dead fish" handshakes...Unfortunately, I have such a firm grip and I hurt people without thinking about it....

But I would much rather have a very firm handshake instead of a "dead fish"!!
playgirl
Dec. 21st, 2006 01:47 am (UTC)
I always find that the dead fish handshake definitely comes from a dead fish!
nsingman
Dec. 15th, 2006 05:48 pm (UTC)
It's a little tricky, because as you note, you want it to be firm, but you don't want to crush the other person's hand!

I've received both kinds of unpleasant handshakes, and simply endured them. I'm not sure what else to do. :-)
ormembar
Dec. 15th, 2006 06:50 pm (UTC)
No puedo mas que estar de acuerdo contigo, un saludo es primordial como primera impresión en un primer encuentro, nada mas agradable que recibir una mano firme y que desagradable cuando solo te dan la punta de los dedos y peor cuando voltean por otro lado. Tengo un desagradable experiencia con un familiar y aun cuando entiendo sus razones (de el) no deja de ser molesto.
( 59 comments — Leave a comment )

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