I am terribly upset, heartbroken and angry because
I’ve lost a LJ friend who I very much cared for.
I find I must express a potpourri of
thoughts and feelings, also.
I have always made it crystal clear, that I’m a firm believer of Freedom of Speech and Expression, therefore, my journal has always been a place for all who wish to express whatever true feelings we may have on certain issues. Many of you have stated, on various occasions, that you disagree with certain beliefs I may have on any given topic, and I do not mind, in fact, I welcome different views from my own. Many of you have swayed me from my way of thinking, at one time or another.
I have been called some pretty unflattering names right here in my journal, and have yet to delete anyone for it, unless I’ve been asked to delete them from my FList.
I sometimes express my views on some pretty controversial topics, and many of you have been so sweet to express your true feelings. Some of you have duked it out among each other. I don’t feel I have to step in to choose sides, or stop you. You are grown adults and can take care of yourselves!
I have an adult web site, and because of this, I am exposed to the internet world, but that is the fantasy world. The TRUE world I live in, is my own REAL LIFE and most PRIVATE world. I've been called every nasty name in the book. I've even had my life threatened on quite a few occasions. I'm use to it and doesn't phase me one bit.
My Live Journal is another matter, because it is the ONLY place I interact with so many of you. I HATE email, and RARELY reply. The only reason I have this email thingy I created on my many web sites, is as a means of contacting me, without getting my email, so that those who wish to contact me on copyright midi or gif issues.
A LJ friend has accused of something of which I had never in my life been accused of, and which as upset me to no end. He has accused me of making fun of him, which is totally false and uncalled for. I have never in my life made fun of a living soul and NEVER will. I’ve always had the deepest respect, and have always loved this LJ friend, as I love and respect ALL of you.
moon_shine has asked me to delete him from my FList, because he has been attacked here by some of my LJ friends. He is angry with me because I have not stepped in to stop it or protect him.
There have been times where I’ve ventured out of my own LJ, and into Communities and found myself flamed royally, although I've been as courteous as can be. When this has happened, I do my best to avoid a confrontation. Why stir the poison more? It’s just a waste of time, and nobody wins.
As for how I choose my LJ friends, I accept ANYONE who wants to be my friend. I could care less what religion, color or creed you are. I could care less if you’re rich or poor. I could care less if you’re a SAINT or a SLUT. The ONLY thing I care for is that you are a human-being! I am a simple girl, with simple tastes; a girl with a heart of gold for those who suffer in this world, be they beast or human. I'm as humble as can be, because I'm just a poor soul in this world, trying to find herself and to survive. 100 years from now, we’ll all be tiny specks of dust, and the living will never know we even existed!
I am who I am, and as much as I've tried to change my way of thinking, my way of being, I've found it impossible to do. I’m TOTALLY independent and I run my life by my own rules. I can tolerate just about anything, but there is one thing I CANNOT or WILL NOT, and that’s for anybody telling me what to do! I go INSANE, and find it hard to even breathe when someone tries to OWN me!
Without any choice of my own, I’ve encountered violent crime as a child by an acquaintance, I found myself to be homeless at the age of 17, I’ve lost my mother, I live in fear of losing my father because of Cancer, I live in fear of losing one of my brother’s who will be going to Iraq this December, and I live in fear of somehow finding myself homeless again. In a way, I’m grateful all these things have happened to me, because they’ve made me INVINCIBLE, and they’ve made me try much harder in life than most my age.
Although, I’m far from being bright, I am very good at finances. One day, I copied those famous words of Scarlet O’Hara, (I’LL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN!), and applied them to my own life, and have managed through much blood, sweat and tears, to become TOTALLY independent. I’ve managed to buy my own home, and buy three more houses, one in my own city, and an apartment which I rent in my back yard. I am owner of two in Ocean Side and Costa Mesa, CA. Houses which I went into partnership with my four brothers and a cousin, and rent. I have a very respectable job in REAL life, I have an adult website which brings me well over $75,000.00 per year, and I'm also an affiliate for Playboy Magazine. I own another domain which is FAMILY FRIENDLY, where I lure the Spanish Speaking population throughout all the Spanish Speaking countries to my greeting cards, where I am an affiliate of Friends Seeking Friends, and I have a tiny business which is located in New Port Beach, California, where I sell test forms to teachers and bookstores, and pay an elderly lady to run the show there. I am working on becoming a Notary Public to make more money. I'm bragging here, and I feel I have every RIGHT to do so, because this STUPID little Ms. NOBODY, did it all on my OWN!! I’m not rich; in fact, I am as poverty stricken as can be, because I'm well over a million dollars in debt, and must make the payments for all these homes, including my own at the end of each month, plus take care of Grandpa’s food, and medical needs, plus feed about twenty-four 4-legged creatures. I buy just about everything 2nd hand. The clothes on my back are 2nd hand, and I'm PROUD of it! I just don't believe in spending a fortune to dress this little body of mine, I'd much prefer spending what little I have on things that DO NOT depreciate!
I have many brand new LJ friends, and will soon place the link of how I came to pick up a HOMELESS man right off the streets to live with me, the man I call my GRANDPA, because I have many more pictures of him, and many more little stories to share with you about this old man who has made my life worth living, and who has taken away much of the fears I’ve had to endure because of that once violent crime I experienced.
This LJ is a place where I unwind and enjoy my LJ friends. It is NOT a place of business. I will NOT accept your money on my Adult Site!! I do NOT need your money! Thanks to God, I have more traffic than I can handle, thanks to Google!!
I will soon be asking those LJ friends who wish to participate in exchanging snail mail Christmas Cards. I will make a SCREENED post where we can exchange addresses. I DO NOT accept gifts! All I want is your Christmas Greeting Cards, because I really and truly love you all.
Sometimes I am a SLUT, and sometimes I’m NOT! I love flirting outrageously with you kids, and I really and truly have a terrible crush on about SEVEN of you. I very recently added a brand NEW ONE to take moon_shines place! Perhaps you already suspect that YOU are one of them, but I will NEVER tell!
I’m sure you have all gathered that I have about 500 of the sexiest, most gorgeous MALE LJ friends in LJ (I HAVE GOOD TASTE! RAWR!), and ONLY about 10 FEMALES. I have tried my best to have many more FEMALE friends, but they have not wanted me. I am grateful to the TEN beautiful girls I do have, and they are BEAUTIFUL!!
I am a girl, who has incredible hang-ups, and I am the first to admit it, this is why I will NEVER permit myself to fall in love, and will FOREVER live alone and die alone, because I would never have the heart to expose my messed up brain to anyone. I know this as a FACT. I want NOTHING from you! All I want from you is your friendship in SPIRIT.
Among the many bad traits I have, I’m UNFORGIVING to those who have caused me to cry, and moon_shine, you have. I will NEVER forgive you for this fact! You have been deleted!
Yes, I am very sad right now, but I'll get over it; I ALWAYS do! :o)
"Life carved me out of wounds and
molded my flesh into granite."
Playgirl's Manhã de Carnaval
Música do Brasil