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I am terribly upset, heartbroken and angry because
I’ve lost a LJ friend who I very much cared for.

I find I must express a potpourri of
thoughts and feelings, also.

I have always made it crystal clear, that I’m a firm believer of Freedom of Speech and Expression, therefore, my journal has always been a place for all who wish to express whatever true feelings we may have on certain issues. Many of you have stated, on various occasions, that you disagree with certain beliefs I may have on any given topic, and I do not mind, in fact, I welcome different views from my own. Many of you have swayed me from my way of thinking, at one time or another.

I have been called some pretty unflattering names right here in my journal, and have yet to delete anyone for it, unless I’ve been asked to delete them from my FList.

I sometimes express my views on some pretty controversial topics, and many of you have been so sweet to express your true feelings. Some of you have duked it out among each other. I don’t feel I have to step in to choose sides, or stop you. You are grown adults and can take care of yourselves!

I have an adult web site, and because of this, I am exposed to the internet world, but that is the fantasy world. The TRUE world I live in, is my own REAL LIFE and most PRIVATE world. I've been called every nasty name in the book. I've even had my life threatened on quite a few occasions. I'm use to it and doesn't phase me one bit.

My Live Journal is another matter, because it is the ONLY place I interact with so many of you. I HATE email, and RARELY reply. The only reason I have this email thingy I created on my many web sites, is as a means of contacting me, without getting my email, so that those who wish to contact me on copyright midi or gif issues.

A LJ friend has accused of something of which I had never in my life been accused of, and which as upset me to no end. He has accused me of making fun of him, which is totally false and uncalled for. I have never in my life made fun of a living soul and NEVER will. I’ve always had the deepest respect, and have always loved this LJ friend, as I love and respect ALL of you.

moon_shine has asked me to delete him from my FList, because he has been attacked here by some of my LJ friends. He is angry with me because I have not stepped in to stop it or protect him.

There have been times where I’ve ventured out of my own LJ, and into Communities and found myself flamed royally, although I've been as courteous as can be. When this has happened, I do my best to avoid a confrontation. Why stir the poison more? It’s just a waste of time, and nobody wins.

As for how I choose my LJ friends, I accept ANYONE who wants to be my friend. I could care less what religion, color or creed you are. I could care less if you’re rich or poor. I could care less if you’re a SAINT or a SLUT. The ONLY thing I care for is that you are a human-being! I am a simple girl, with simple tastes; a girl with a heart of gold for those who suffer in this world, be they beast or human. I'm as humble as can be, because I'm just a poor soul in this world, trying to find herself and to survive. 100 years from now, we’ll all be tiny specks of dust, and the living will never know we even existed!

I am who I am, and as much as I've tried to change my way of thinking, my way of being, I've found it impossible to do. I’m TOTALLY independent and I run my life by my own rules. I can tolerate just about anything, but there is one thing I CANNOT or WILL NOT, and that’s for anybody telling me what to do! I go INSANE, and find it hard to even breathe when someone tries to OWN me!

Without any choice of my own, I’ve encountered violent crime as a child by an acquaintance, I found myself to be homeless at the age of 17, I’ve lost my mother, I live in fear of losing my father because of Cancer, I live in fear of losing one of my brother’s who will be going to Iraq this December, and I live in fear of somehow finding myself homeless again. In a way, I’m grateful all these things have happened to me, because they’ve made me INVINCIBLE, and they’ve made me try much harder in life than most my age.

Although, I’m far from being bright, I am very good at finances. One day, I copied those famous words of Scarlet O’Hara, (I’LL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN!), and applied them to my own life, and have managed through much blood, sweat and tears, to become TOTALLY independent. I’ve managed to buy my own home, and buy three more houses, one in my own city, and an apartment which I rent in my back yard. I am owner of two in Ocean Side and Costa Mesa, CA. Houses which I went into partnership with my four brothers and a cousin, and rent. I have a very respectable job in REAL life, I have an adult website which brings me well over $75,000.00 per year, and I'm also an affiliate for Playboy Magazine. I own another domain which is FAMILY FRIENDLY, where I lure the Spanish Speaking population throughout all the Spanish Speaking countries to my greeting cards, where I am an affiliate of Friends Seeking Friends, and I have a tiny business which is located in New Port Beach, California, where I sell test forms to teachers and bookstores, and pay an elderly lady to run the show there. I am working on becoming a Notary Public to make more money. I'm bragging here, and I feel I have every RIGHT to do so, because this STUPID little Ms. NOBODY, did it all on my OWN!! I’m not rich; in fact, I am as poverty stricken as can be, because I'm well over a million dollars in debt, and must make the payments for all these homes, including my own at the end of each month, plus take care of Grandpa’s food, and medical needs, plus feed about twenty-four 4-legged creatures. I buy just about everything 2nd hand. The clothes on my back are 2nd hand, and I'm PROUD of it! I just don't believe in spending a fortune to dress this little body of mine, I'd much prefer spending what little I have on things that DO NOT depreciate!

I have many brand new LJ friends, and will soon place the link of how I came to pick up a HOMELESS man right off the streets to live with me, the man I call my GRANDPA, because I have many more pictures of him, and many more little stories to share with you about this old man who has made my life worth living, and who has taken away much of the fears I’ve had to endure because of that once violent crime I experienced.

This LJ is a place where I unwind and enjoy my LJ friends. It is NOT a place of business. I will NOT accept your money on my Adult Site!! I do NOT need your money! Thanks to God, I have more traffic than I can handle, thanks to Google!!

I will soon be asking those LJ friends who wish to participate in exchanging snail mail Christmas Cards. I will make a SCREENED post where we can exchange addresses. I DO NOT accept gifts! All I want is your Christmas Greeting Cards, because I really and truly love you all.

Sometimes I am a SLUT, and sometimes I’m NOT! I love flirting outrageously with you kids, and I really and truly have a terrible crush on about SEVEN of you. I very recently added a brand NEW ONE to take moon_shines place! Perhaps you already suspect that YOU are one of them, but I will NEVER tell!

I’m sure you have all gathered that I have about 500 of the sexiest, most gorgeous MALE LJ friends in LJ (I HAVE GOOD TASTE! RAWR!), and ONLY about 10 FEMALES. I have tried my best to have many more FEMALE friends, but they have not wanted me. I am grateful to the TEN beautiful girls I do have, and they are BEAUTIFUL!!

I am a girl, who has incredible hang-ups, and I am the first to admit it, this is why I will NEVER permit myself to fall in love, and will FOREVER live alone and die alone, because I would never have the heart to expose my messed up brain to anyone. I know this as a FACT. I want NOTHING from you! All I want from you is your friendship in SPIRIT.

Among the many bad traits I have, I’m UNFORGIVING to those who have caused me to cry, and moon_shine, you have. I will NEVER forgive you for this fact! You have been deleted!

Yes, I am very sad right now, but I'll get over it; I ALWAYS do! :o)

Playgirl's Most Befitting Quote For This Day:

"Life carved me out of wounds and
molded my flesh into granite."

Playgirl's Manhã de Carnaval
Música do Brasil


( 114 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:20 am (UTC)
Smoochies back! :o)
(Deleted comment)
Re: I never said you put any one down - magyarok_saman - Nov. 10th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Re: I never said you put any one down - magyarok_saman - Nov. 10th, 2006 04:45 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nebris - Nov. 10th, 2006 04:10 am (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 9th, 2006 11:13 pm (UTC)
Hi. I saw you posting on trollingroll's journal. I am sorry someone was unkind to you. I have never seen you be anything but courteous and fun.

Will you add me? My journal is mostly about my dumpster diving exploits but I do comment in communities quite a bit.

I hope that things clear up for you soon.

Cheers from Australia,

Miss Diva
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:32 am (UTC)
Thank you. I don't believe I've ever been intentionally discourteous to anyone. Perhaps I have, when driving my care and someone in REAL life throws me a birdie. I always throw one right back! :o)

I've added you. Looks like I now have ELEVEN beautiful LJ girlfriends!! YAY!
(no subject) - dumpsterdiva - Nov. 10th, 2006 02:11 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - playgirl - Nov. 10th, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 9th, 2006 11:36 pm (UTC)
People disagree, it sounds like this guy really has not been exposed much to life. I personally think you are a great person! After all, you put up with me :P
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:44 am (UTC)
Yes, we all disagree at one time or another.

This person I speak of is the nicest guy in the world, but he made a grave mistake when he gave me an ultimatum; that I either delete these LJ friends from my list, or delete him. NOBODY tells me what to do in my own LJ! And what REALLY hurt my feelings is when he falsely accused me of making fun of him, and this I will not forgive him EVER!

I think you're a great person, also. Who wouldn't put up with you, you gorgeous thang! ;o)
Nov. 9th, 2006 11:39 pm (UTC)
someone was mean to him
C'mon, dude! This is fucking LJ, fer shit's sake. Scheesh...

Nov. 9th, 2006 11:39 pm (UTC)
crying shame
Hello, little princess so you feel the need to shed tears why you dont have to explain your life to us we can take or leave what you say,it is not your problem i for one dont need to know your life story you do not need to explain yourself from one humanbeing to another i reach out my hand to you.No harm will come to you or your's a big hug to you you give but you need to receive as well so open your arm's little princess.
Nov. 10th, 2006 05:49 pm (UTC)
Re: crying shame
Yes, it is a crying shame that this had to happen between this guy and myself. He was pretty special and I will most definitely miss him!

I had been meaning to expose some parts of my life, because there had been mention before by some about some of the things I covered here.

Thank you for the hugs, I appreciated it.
Hugs you back!
Nov. 9th, 2006 11:41 pm (UTC)
As for you, saborsita, I got IRL plans for you and that ain't some on-line noise. *wink*


..wipes your tears..
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:54 am (UTC)
Oh! My fingers are just itching to run themselves through that gorgeous long hair! RAWR! ;o)
(no subject) - nebris - Nov. 10th, 2006 02:07 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:50 am (UTC)
Hugs Lady Killer!
I wuave you a lot! :o)
Nov. 10th, 2006 12:32 am (UTC)
Es duro perder a alguien y más duro cuando estimas a esa persona de una forma u otra, pero puedes estar con la conciencia tranquila porque tu sabes que hiciste lo que estaba en tus manos. Animo y sigue con nosotros.
Nov. 10th, 2006 03:42 am (UTC)
Me puede mucho porque es un hombre muy bueno y de grande corazón.

Gracias amigo querido, te envío muchos abrazos y muchos besos!
Nov. 10th, 2006 12:36 am (UTC)
I think you are someone very very special. Hugs.
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:49 am (UTC)
I find you incredibly special, too! Always have, always will!
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:09 am (UTC)
Heyyy.... Don't cry cos of him! At least you've got us!!:-)) And we love you for your big heart and for everything...
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:48 am (UTC)
No, I'm not crying over him, I've never cried over any guy, and NEVER will. My tears stem from shock and frustration, that this person would have the audacity to accuse me of making fun of him.

He IS a wonderful person, and I wish him well.

Love and hugs Sweety Pie, and thank you for being my LJ friend!
(no subject) - thenewvirgin - Nov. 10th, 2006 06:15 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - playgirl - Nov. 10th, 2006 05:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:33 am (UTC)
"Hugs" - I luv ya lot's!!!!:-).......
Nov. 10th, 2006 01:51 am (UTC)
Oh God! And I wuave you more!! :o)
Nov. 10th, 2006 02:06 am (UTC)
What kind of man can't stand up for himself and his beliefs. He needs to grow some stones and tell the other guys to STFU, and ignore them.
Nov. 10th, 2006 05:34 am (UTC)
I feel just
I feel just terrible that this happened, because he's really a great guy.

I know I'll have a terrible time falling asleep tonight!
Nov. 10th, 2006 02:16 am (UTC)
Im so very sorry little one, I saw where he made that statement and could find no reason for it. I know he could not stand me, and called me various names, but you were never unkind or discourteous in any way! You even told him that you appreciated his point of view. I dont understand why he expected you to protect him when he was doing just as much attacking as anyone maybe even more.

I hate the immage of your eyes filling with tears unless they are tears of joy. We all know you are a Saint and a Slut and love you because of it and we hope you never change.

Tracy and I are looking forward to sending you one of our signature Christmas Cards!!!
Nov. 10th, 2006 03:32 am (UTC)
Re: ((((HUGGLES))))
Love you Daddy, and can hardly wait to get a real life Christmas card from you and and Tracy!

I don't want to be a saint anymore, so tomorrow I'll be my usual obnoxious slutty self, 'cuz it's so much more fun! ;o)
(no subject) - nebris - Nov. 10th, 2006 04:06 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - daddy - Nov. 10th, 2006 01:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - nebris - Nov. 10th, 2006 01:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 10th, 2006 02:26 am (UTC)
you and i have disagreed on issues/politics in the past but i've always admired and respected you and i believe that you have payed me the same courtesy in the past.

can't say for everyone of your other lj friends, but i've met some cool one as well.

if for nothing else, you and i have agreed to disagree but more often than not, we usually agree on a lot of issues. in any event, i don't believe anyone has the right to disrespect you in the manner that you've been disrespected.

you've always been a kind and wonderful dame and i enjoy reading your posts.

the fact that you still have over 500 friends is a testament of the wonderful soul you truly are.

and don't ever let anyone make you feel different.
Nov. 10th, 2006 04:34 am (UTC)
Yes, there have been times when you and I have disagreed. It's impossible for any of us to agree on everything. Wouldn't life be boring if we did?

When people disagree, each adds their input to make the others see their view point, and many times, many wonderful things are learned, that wouldn't have, had everyone agreed in the first place.

The reason I love to have LJ friends who have very few interests to my own, is to learn from them. When you ONLY permit friends that have your same interests, you remain stale.

This is one of my FAVORITE quotes, which just about says it all:

"How small is the life of the person who places
his hands between his face and the world,
seeing naught but the narrow lines of his hands!"
Nov. 10th, 2006 02:31 am (UTC)
You're an odd one. Even now, I still can't draw a bead on precisely who you are. You claim to be dumb, but I see the markings of genius. You say you're independent, but you cling to your friends, be they online or otherwise. Contradictions and contrasts, that's you.
Nov. 10th, 2006 03:17 am (UTC)
Yes, I am odd, and you will never draw a conclusion on who exactly I am. I don’t even know who I am myself.

I’m not dumb, but I’m not very bright either.

I am completely independent, because I’m the soul provider of my creature comforts. If for some unforeseen reason, such as an illness should befall me, I, as well as those little lives that depend on me, will have lost everything.

No, I don’t cling to my friends, neither in REAL life or cyberspace. In fact, I’m a bit anti-social. I am grateful for my three best friends, who have always accepted me as I am. They understand.

Those LJ friends, who have stuck with me, through thick and thin, are very much appreciated and loved. Let’s see if someday, you will end up throwing me away, like an old, dried up bone. I hope not.

You know more about me than my REAL life friends, because I can express here in my LJ all my true thoughts and feelings. I do not do this in REAL life.

Yes, I am a contradiction, a contradiction of life itself, and for this reason, I have chosen to live my life alone.

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