Playgirl's Mechanical World (playgirl) wrote,
Playgirl's Mechanical World
playgirl

  • Mood:

HUMPTY DUMPTY


HUMPTY DUMPTY



This is exactly the way I look right now.

I stayed stay up all last night. I couldn’t sleep. Even the sleeping pill I took didn’t help. I couldn’t stop crying. My chest still hurts from the sobs. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. I kept wondering if I was at fault. I kept asking myself in what way I had failed him. I kept asking myself if I could have done more. I kept checking to see if he’d let me know he was okay. I was so worried; I actually vomited a couple of times last night.

Why? Because I’ve been trying everything possible to talk a LJ friend out of committing suicide for the past month. I’ve been worried sick about him.

He left a couple of comments in the post I made yesterday, indicating he was going to do it in the next 12 hours. I went to his journal and found his good bye post. I left countless comments, both in his journal and mine, begging him to contact me. He never did. I knew he was dead.

I found this morning that he had deleted his last post. I thank God he is alive!

How I wish he hadn’t of done this to me yesterday. How I wish he had of replied when I begged him so many times last night.

I'm a mess this morning. I’ve called my angel of a boss to let him know I wouldn’t be coming in to work today.

I will NEVER abandon him, because he is my friend ! But, I hope he never worries me again, as he's been so for so long, but especially as he did last night.



I DON'T KNOW
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