This is exactly the way I look right now.
I stayed stay up all last night. I couldn’t sleep. Even the sleeping pill I took didn’t help. I couldn’t stop crying. My chest still hurts from the sobs. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. I kept wondering if I was at fault. I kept asking myself in what way I had failed him. I kept asking myself if I could have done more. I kept checking to see if he’d let me know he was okay. I was so worried; I actually vomited a couple of times last night.
Why? Because I’ve been trying everything possible to talk a LJ friend out of committing suicide for the past month. I’ve been worried sick about him.
He left a couple of comments in the post I made yesterday, indicating he was going to do it in the next 12 hours. I went to his journal and found his good bye post. I left countless comments, both in his journal and mine, begging him to contact me. He never did. I knew he was dead.
I found this morning that he had deleted his last post. I thank God he is alive!
How I wish he hadn’t of done this to me yesterday. How I wish he had of replied when I begged him so many times last night.
I'm a mess this morning. I’ve called my angel of a boss to let him know I wouldn’t be coming in to work today.
I will NEVER abandon him, because he is my friend ! But, I hope he never worries me again, as he's been so for so long, but especially as he did last night.
I DON'T KNOW